so I saw my new psychiatrist today and she’s awesome and kind of told me what I already knew but in a new light and from a new angle, fully acknowledging that I have some PTSD from when I was little…
she also informed me that when those tests and procedures are done TODAY the kids get sedated they don’t have to be strapped to a table and watch it all happen so that kind of pisses me off and makes me want to cry. just, where would my head be at, what would my brain be like, if those doctors had just put me under or given me some kind of anti-anxiety to stop the fucking trauma of it all.
also apparently being desensitized or completely depersonalized when seeing a doctor or being in a hospital doesn’t mean I’ve dealt with my phobias, so there’s that too.
starting new anxiety meds this week and hopefully antidepressants in another few weeks and soon I will emerge as a mostly functioning human being (aside from, you know, everything else).
blahh blah blee bloo blahhh.